I’m not exactly the happiest person tonight. In fact, I’m rather upset at what went on earlier, even though I really shouldn’t be, seeing as I knew something like this was going to happen. But it’s different when it happens right fucking in front of you. So here is what I wish I could say to the two people that ruined my entire night, without naming any names.
Dear ______ and _____, Why did you guys have to do that? ______, I talked you the other day and you said that you didn’t care about him anymore. That you were done with him. You warned me about him, and we pretty much had a heart to heart about this whole thing that’s going on. I apologized numerous times for making you upset that night, but you said that I wasn’t the one who made you mad, but instead it was him and what he did. I understand that he’s a player, I really do, and I appreciate you informing me of that before hand, but still. You were the one who told me you were completely done with him, and yet I get to the pub tonight, where I was supposed to be meeting _____ to hang out with him, and what happens except you start hanging all over him and making out with him. Cool, great, you guys have a past and you obviously still have feelings for him, I get that. But you asked me not to do anything with him in front of you, don’t you have the decency to do the same for me? If I was talking to you about him and asking about him so much, isn’t it obvious that I’m attracted to him? I know you couldn’t have known that I was meeting him there tonight, because if he or I had told you, you probably would have freaked the fuck out. But nonetheless, thank you for making me feel terrible all night. ____ could tell, as could ______, and I’m glad I have other friends there that take my feelings into consideration, but apparently you don’t. And as for you telling _____ that I’ve been talking shit about him, you’re a fucking hypocrite, because you talked shit about him to me, so fuck that. And whatever you’ve said about me, fuck that as well. Talk all the shit you want, because you’re obviously as two faced as he is. And as for _____, why the fuck would you pick the pub, of all fucking places to meet tonight? There was no way you couldn’t have known that you would do something like this tonight, and I’m sure that’s why you picked that place, because you knew ______ would be there, and let’s face it, you obviously aren’t done fucking her. I asked you the other day if you actually liked me or if you just want to fuck me, and I told you that you could tell me the truth because I was okay with either of those things, but instead of just telling me the truth and letting me know that you just wanted to hook up with me, you told me that you liked me, so fuck you for that. I called you out on it the second night we hung out and you denied it, but it’s true. You’re a player. You just like to get your dick wet, and that’s great for you. I hope that at the end of every day or when you wake up with different girls in your bed every morning, you hate yourself for what you’re doing. You had a three year relationship that went south, and now you’re just trying to fill that void, but fucking a different girl every night isn’t going to do that. But I hope you don’t figure this out for a good while so that you can keep suffering just like I am right now. You just like to screw with people’s emotions because you can’t get a grip on your own, and in no way, shape, or form is that right or anybody else’s fault, and everyone that you’re screwing with doesn’t deserve that. I hope you text me tomorrow so that I can tell you to fuck the hell off because you are an asshole who I really don’t want to have anything to do with anymore, and that’s all there is to it. But really, to both of you, I hope you had a good time tonight, because I sure as hell didn’t. I think the reason I really wanted to trust both of you is because I have nobody here. I don’t have my own friends. I’ve met basically everyone I know and associate with through my brother and sister, and it’s not the same as having your own friends, who you met and formed relationships with. They’re never really “my” friends if they were my brother or sister’s friends first, at least, it doesn’t seem that way. You guys don’t understand what it’s like to have nobody to talk to, nobody to hang out with, no one to call and say “hey let’s go have a good time tonight!”, no girl friends to invite over on the nights you just want to stay in and watch cheesy girly movies with, no best girl or guy friend to go the the bar and have a few drinks with or go out and grab some dinner with after work. You don’t know how lonely it gets. You don’t know how much it fucking sucks. You don’t understand what it’s like to live in another country where everyone speaks a different language and your real friends and family are thousands of miles away across an ocean and a thousand dollar plane ticket. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here in Germany, and I don’t want to move back to the states for good yet, but for fuck’s sake, cut me some slack. Either just leave me out of this or make up your fucking minds, that’s all I ask.